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Five Strategies to Prevent your Sensitive Son from Being Bullied

By Ted Zeff, Ph.D.

(לחזור לפרק הראשון – Part I)

part II

Help your Son Obtain Peer Support through New Friendships

Most boys prefer to socialize in large groups, yet our sensitive boys usually prefer to interact with only one friend or play by themselves. Since they shy away from aggressive, combative interactions, HSBs may have difficulties making friends with other boys.

It may be better for your son to have just one friend rather than trying to be accepted by a group of non-HSBs. However, it could be beneficial for your son to learn how to navigate through the majority nonsensitive boy culture as long as the friends involved remain respectful. Take some time to discuss friendship with your son and emphasize how important it is to be with friends who respect him. It’s important for your son to create a balance between spending time alone and with friends or he may not learn successful interpersonal skills.

Help your Son Become Physically Fit

When a boy becomes involved in sports, he feels accepted by his peers, which increases his self-esteem. Most boys are involved in some team sports but research indicates that 85% of sensitive boys did not participate in team sports and most preferred to participate in individual exercise. Since HSBs do not perform well under group pressure and may be deeply hurt by the cruel culture of malicious “boy teasing” while playing sports with other boys, they generally avoid such interactions.

Regardless of athletic ability, it’s important for your so to participate in physical exercise since it will help him become healthier, stronger and more confident. When an HSB has someone to teach and encourage him how to play various games, he could thrive, even in the insensitive world of male sports. However, before your son joins a team, you should talk with the coach and possibly other parents to make sure that the players are treated with respect and are not overly competitive. The key is to find athletic activities that your son authentically enjoys.

As previously mentioned, learning some form of self-defense can really empower a sensitive boy, helping him feel safe and better able to fend off bullies if needed. It’s important to let the instructor know that your son needs support from the trainer. The sensitive boy who masters some form of self-defense becomes less fearful, more confident and frequently more sociable.

Increase your Son's Self-esteem

Research has shown that the more dissatisfied a boy is with his body, the poorer his self-esteem. Therefore, a sensitive boy who reacts more deeply to teasing about his physical appearance than a non-HSB is at risk for developing low self-esteem. Though the media can be a strong influence on your son, as an adult in his life you are the stronger influence by letting him know that his body is perfect exactly as it is. Discuss how the media is perpetuating myths about what a male body should look like.

An important aspect of a positive body image involves good health. Stress affects health and since your son may be more vulnerable to stress than the non-HSB, it’s important to help him maintain a preventative health-maintenance program by making sure he eats a healthy diet, take supplements, gets enough sleep and regular exercise.

Finally, while your son's self-esteem may be diminished by his not fitting in with nonsensitive children, he will feel worthwhile as he receives nourishment from his spiritual pursuits. Since most HSBs have a proclivity toward spirituality, you can increase his self-esteem by encouraging your son to learn meditation, prayer, spend time in nature, or read spiritual books about the great sensitive and compassionate spiritual heroes like Christ, Moses and other saints and sages.

There are millions of parents of sensitive boys trying to help their sons cope in a world that does not appreciate sensitivity in males. I'm sure that as you begin using the suggestions in this article you will start seeing a positive change in your son as he becomes a strong, confident, and happy boy.

Dr. Ted Zeff is the author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy.

For more information please visit www.drtedzeff.com

or the amazon.com link: http://amzn.to/ciWRxa

מודעות פרסומת

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Five Strategies to Prevent your Sensitive Son from Being Bullied

part I

By Ted Zeff, Ph.D.

Did you know that twenty percent of the population has a sensitive nervous system and the trait is equally divided between males and females? Therefore, 20% of all males are sensitive, or one out of every five boys has a finely tuned nervous system. A highly sensitive boy (HSB) can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds, fearful of new situations and shy away from aggressive interactions. He generally reacts more deeply and exhibits more emotional sensitivity than the non-sensitive boy which unfortunately could result in being bullied.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, 160,000 children miss school every day in the United States for fear of being bullied; more than 50 suicides have been linked to prolonged bullying; and approximately 85% of school shootings have revenge against bullies as a major motive. School-related bullying has led to depression and poor school performance in many children.

Although research has shown that infant boys are more emotionally reactive than infant girls, by the time boys reach the age of five, they have usually learned to repress every emotion except anger. Societal values emphasize that males should be aggressive, thick-skinned, and emotionally self-controlled, which is the opposite of a sensitive boy. When boys don't conform to the “boy code” and instead show their gentleness and emotions, they are usually ostracized and humiliated.

Bullies tend to target kids who seem different from others. Since the eighty percent of non-HSBs are hardwired neurologically to behave in a different manner than the twenty percent of HSBs, many sensitive boys do not fit in with the vast majority of boys and risk being bullied. Bullies also target kids who don't fight back and who react deeply to teasing. Research shows that 85% of HSBs avoided fighting and most sensitive boys react more strongly to bullying than other boys.

How can we prevent our sensitive boys from being bullied?

Develop Confidence in your Son by Support from Mom, Dad and Other Adults

The unconditional love and support from parents and other adults will give your son the confidence he needs to face difficult situations. Unfortunately, when the burden is placed on one or two frequently stressed-out adults, it's difficult to give the unconditional love and support a sensitive boy needs. Studies have shown that boys who had positive, loving relationships with other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) reported having more positive experiences as a child than those who did not have these additional relationships. Sensitive men from India and Thailand reported experiencing happier childhoods than those from North America which may be due to the role of the extended family and community in raising children in those cultures. So invite your extended family and friends to share their love with your son.

Some people believe that boys need stronger discipline than girls. However, your sensitive son can learn a lesson better when he is calm and receptive, so when you are disciplining your son it’s vital to talk to him in a gentle manner. When you set limits in a calm, yet firm manner it will not lower his self-esteem.

Mothers generally spend more time with their children so they are frequently in a position to bolster their son's confidence. However, fathers (or uncles, grandfathers, or other male role models) need to spend special, positive time with their sons. While a father needs to teach his son how to stand up for himself, he also has to understand, protect, and encourage his sensitive son. Both the father and the son benefit when dad accepts his son’s trait of sensitivity instead of trying to mold him into a non-HSB. It's important to model setting limits with others so that your son will learn how to set boundaries if he is humiliated for his sensitivity so he won't get bullied.

Make School a Safe Place for your Son

Parents should regularly discuss their son's progress with his teacher, talk to other parents, and volunteer in the classroom. If you find out that a teacher is mistreating your son, you need to immediately let the teacher and principal know that their behavior is unacceptable. If the teacher is not receptive to changing his or her behavior, you should not let your son remain in the classroom.

If your son gets bullied in school it's important to let him know effective methods to handle the situation. According to the Youth Voice Project which surveyed 11,000 teens in 25 schools, the most effective solutions to stopping bullying was accessing the support of adults and peers. Less effective strategies were ignoring the bullying, telling them to stop, and walking away.

Learning self-defense can give your son more confidence when confronted by bullying. You could ask the P.T.A. or the principal to arrange for a professional to come to the school to offer an anti-bullying program. If your son has tried the methods I mentioned above but the bullying does not stop (or becomes violent), contact your son’s school. Your son’s safety and sense of well-being is of prime importance, so you have every justification to bring the issue to his teacher, school counselor, and/or principal. If your son’s physical safety is in jeopardy and the school authorities won’t intervene, you could contact the police. However, it may be more prudent to remove your son from a potentially physically violent situation if the bullying escalates to that point.

The good news is that there are options to attending public school, such as progressive private schools (i.e. Montessori, Waldrof, Steiner) that may be more conducive to your son’s emotional and educational needs than a large public school. Homeschooling is ideal for most sensitive boys since the HSB thrives in a safe, quiet, less-stimulating environment where they are free to pursue both core and creative subjects at their own pace. To compensate for the lack of social interaction, it’s important for your son to get together with other children who are also being homeschooled, hire tutors and enroll him in special classes

.

(להמשיך לפרק השני –  Part II)


Dr. Ted Zeff is the author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy.

For more information please visit www.drtedzeff.com

or the amazon.com link: http://amzn.to/ciWRxa

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Warning Signs that your Child is Being Bullied

By Ted Zeff, Ph.D

Many children are taught that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help and frequently fail to tell anyone when they are being bullied for fear of appearing weak or feeling shame that there’s something wrong with them. When your child experiences being bullied, he or she could be at risk for developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is an anxiety disorder usually brought on by a terrifying physical or emotional event or events. Some of the symptoms of PTSD include sleep disturbances, withdrawal, a lack of concentration, and emotional numbness. Sometimes, when bullying reaches a point of serious physical threat, the bullied child and the subsequent fear for their very life can bring on the symptoms of PTSD. The feeling of being out of control and in danger can cause the victim to disconnect from others by isolating his/herself and experiencing hyperarousal and hypervigilance in a constant search for threats. This reaction is the nervous system’s response to potential danger, whether real or imagined, creating constriction, disassociation, and helplessness in order to protect the body.

Unfortunately, when children experience trauma, they often become frozen and exhibit feelings of helplessness and shame, rendering them nearly unable to defend themselves when attacked or put under pressure. These traumatized children then bring this frozen state of helplessness to many other situations that they perceive as threatening throughout their lives. And, the more withdrawn these children become, the more fearful and helpless they feel, the stronger the likelihood that they will slip into serious emotional trouble.

Parents need to be aware of the warning signs when their children may be experiencing depression, severe anxiety, or PTSD due to bullying. The following is a list of red flags to look for:

• Is your child disconnecting from people and isolating him/herself in their room? Although teens usually separate from the family, they normally connect more often with their friends.

• Has your child developed physical problems such as stomachaches and headaches that interfere with their life?

• Has your child’s schoolwork recently suffered, and is it difficult for your child to concentrate?

• Does your child have trouble falling or staying asleep or experience frequent nightmares?

• Does your child seem listless, unenthusiastic, and disinterested in life?

• Have you noticed that your child seems hypervigilant, extremely nervous, depressed, or emotionally explosive (beyond the normal teenage angst and moodiness)?•

If you suspect that your child is suffering from any of the above symptoms that is interfering with their life and you have not been able to help alleviate their suffering, you should consider having your child evaluated by a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family counselor, or licensed social worker. If you can’t afford to pay for private therapy sessions, virtually all cities have low-cost therapy clinics (check with your city or county department of mental health).


Dr. Ted Zeff is the author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy

For more information please visit www.drtedzeff.com

or the amazon.com link: http://amzn.to/ciWRxa

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בימים עברו השתמשו ביפן בפנסים של נייר וקני-במבוק ונר קבוע בתוכם.

לילה אחד ביקר עיוור אצל ידידו, וכשביקש לחזור לביתו, הציע לו הידיד שיישא עמו פנס.

אמר העיוור: "אין אני זקוק לפנס, חשיכה ואור הרי הם לי היינו הך."

השיב לו ידידו: "יודע אני שאין אתה נזקק לפנס למציאת דרכך, אך בלי פנס עלול מישהו להיתקל בך. לכן צריך אתה לשאת פנס."

יצא העיוור בפנסו, ועד שלא עשה כברת-דרך, התנגש בו אדם אחד.

קרא העיוור: "היזהר בדרכך! אינך רואה את הפנס הזה!"

"הנר שלך כבה, אחי", השיב לו הזר.

מספר "מאה ואחד סיפורי זן"

מתוך: http://www.derech.net/stories.htm

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מדען אחד ישב ועבד, כשלפתע ניגש אליו בנו בן ה- 7, נחוש לעזור לו בעבודתו.

המדען, עצבני בגלל ההפרעה, ניסה לבקש מבנו שילך למקום אחר, אך כשראה שזה לא הולך, חיפש משהו שיוכל לספק לילד תעסוקה. הוא תלש מאיזו חוברת דף עם מפת העולם, גזר אותה לחתיכות, ונתן לילד יחד עם גליל נייר דבק.

"אתה אוהב פאזלים" הוא אמר, "קח את העולם המפורק ונראה אם אתה יכול לתקנו בכוחות עצמך.

המדען חשב שייקח לילד ימים עד שיצליח להרכיב את המפה, אבל כמה שעות לאחר מכן שמע את קולו של הבן קורא לו "אבא, סיימתי, הצלחתי להרכיב הכל".

בהתחלה, לא האמין המדען: "זה לא ייתכן שבגיל שבע יוכל הילד להרכיב מחדש מפה שמימיו לא ראה". אבל הוא הניח את רשימותיו, וניגש לבנו, כשהוא בטוח שהוא הולך לראות עבודה מבולגנת.

להפתעתו, המפה הייתה מושלמת וכל החתיכות היו במקומן.

"איך עשית את זה? "שאל המדען את בנו "הרי לא ידעת איך נראה העולם".

"אבא", ענה הילד, "אני אמנם לא ידעתי איך נראה העולם, אבל כאשר תלשת את הדף מהחוברת, ראיתי שבצדו השני יש תמונה של אדם. כשנתת לי לתקן את העולם, ניסיתי אבל לא הצלחתי. אז הפכתי את כל החתיכות והתחלתי לתקן את האדם. כשהצלחתי לתקן את האדם, הפכתי את הדף וראיתי שהצלחתי לתקן גם את העולם".

מתוך: http://www.aish.co.il/ci/n/48861192.html

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היה היה שואב מים זקן בכפר. יום יום היה מעמיס על גבו שני כדי חרס גדולים והולך אל המעין לשאוב מים. כשהכדים נתמלאו היה הולך ועולה אל הגבעה הגבוהה בכפר ושם מוכר מים לכל בני הכפר.

ושני הכדים היו שונים זה מזה. כד אחד חדש ממורק ויפה ואילו הכד השני ישן, מצולק, מכוער בשל השנים הרבות שהשתמשו בו וסדק ארוך לרוחבו.

מדי יום היה הכד החדש צוחק ולועג לכד הישן-כמה שאתה מכוער וישן. הגיע הזמן ששואב המים יחליף אותך באחד כמוני חדש ויפה, כמה שאתה מצולק וסדוק. חבל על הזמן לשאוב אתך מים כי ממילא עד שאנו מגיעים למעלה הגבעה לא נותרים בך כמעט מים. ככה היה הכד החדש ממרר את חייו של הכד הישן ומטיח בו עלבונות. לאט לאט חילחלו הדברים לליבו של הכד הישן. מי יודע? חשב בליבו. אולי הגיע הזמן ששואב המים באמת יזרוק אותי וייקח לו כד חדש.

יום אחד אזר הכד הישן אומץ, ניגש אל שואב המים הזקן ואמר לו – למה לך אותי? קח לך כד חדש במקומי, כך תוכל להעלות שני כדים מלאים תמיד לראש הגבעה, הגיע הזמן לזרוק אותי, איני בעל ערך יותר, אני ישן, מצולק וסדוק.

הביט שואב המים הזקן בכד הישן ואמר לו – בוא, בוא רגע, הבט אל הגבעה למטה, רואה אתה את השביל המתפתל במעלה הדרך מן המעין עד כאן. ורואה אתה לצד הדרך את שורת הפרחים לצד הדרך. אתה יודע, כל יום כשאני מעמיס על כתפי את שני כדי המים ןקשה לי מאוד הדרך, יש רגעים שאני עומד להתמוטט, אבל כשאני רואה את הפרחים המקסימים והיפים האלה אני מקבל שוב כוח.

ומי אתה חושב משקה את הפרחים האלה?

מתוך האתר:

http://www.2all.co.il/web/Sites/sweet/PAGE4.asp

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פיתוח חוסן נפשי

לאנשים רגישים מאוד

לימוד כלים לויסות עצמי (הרגעה עצמית) באמצעות יוגה תרפיה


אם אומרים לכם שאתם רגישים מדי

אם אתם

– חווים רגשות ותחושות גופניות בעוצמה גבוהה

– מוצפים על ידי גירויים חיצוניים (אורות חזקים, רעש או בדים מחוספסים)

– נוטים לטלטלות של מצבי רוח

ייתכן שנולדתם רגישים מאוד יחד עם עוד כ- 20% מהאנשים


בעזרת הכלים של יוגה תרפיה:

נלמד:

– לחזור לאיזון הרגשי

– להכיל את מה שעולה בתוכנו: רגשות, מחשבות, תחושות גופניות

– להיות הורה לעצמנו – רך, תומך ומעצים

– לגלות מחדש את גבולות היכולת שלנו ואת הגבולות עם העולם החיצוני

לבנות חיים רגישים בעלי סיפוק ועוצמה פנימית


*** אין צורך בתרגול יוגה קודם. התנוחות בשיעור מכוונות לתרגול הרפיה ושחרור.


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המנחה

ביאטה שבון – מורה מוסמכת ליוגה וליוגה תרפיה

ב.א. בפסיכולוגיה, מתמחה בתמיכה באנשים רגישים מאוד


האם אתם אנשים רגישים מאוד– שאלון של ד”ר איליין ארון

"יוגה תרפיה לאנשים רגישים מאוד" – מאמר


 

 

 

 


ביאטה שבון יהב, תרפיסטית גוף-נפש, מתמחה באנשים רגישים מאוד, מנהלת הקהילה של אנשים רגישים מאוד בישראל https://tnuaitit.com

 

 

 

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